


Rivers Cause More Problems Than They're Worth

by orphan_account



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Blood, Clay Monster Soos, Dark, Deer Dipper, Gen, Healing Rivers, Human bill, Magic Rivers, Mermaid Mabel, Other Transformations, Sphinx Ford, before he starts selling it to customers, emphasis on before, gargoyle Stan, grunkle stan should let Dipper and Ford finish their testing, like oh my god, monster falls, only at the beginning though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-04
Updated: 2016-03-04
Packaged: 2018-05-24 14:48:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6157098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Dipper is attacked by Bill he really didn't expect to land himself an extra set of limbs, or with a fish sister, or a human arch enemy, or stone Grunkle, or a cat Grunkle, or anything like that really. To bad you don't have to expect things for them to happen. That would make this certain story a whole lot shorter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rivers Cause More Problems Than They're Worth

**Author's Note:**

> This is an old fic of mine. Beware bad writing and OCness. Also a surprising lack of panicing (because I was much to lazy to write that much). Hope you enjoy anyway!
> 
> R&R please!

A flash of thunder echoes across the sky. A single bright yellow eye looks up, then narrows as it turns down to the young man in front of him. The young man in question is on the lean side, but that is more exercise than body type, as he also has the beginnings of broad shoulders and natural muscle. He is taller than average, but not by much. He is around seventeen, and has definitely grown up since he was twelve. The eye belongs to a small triangle, wearing a black top hat and bowtie, and holding a small black cane. This small triangle is about three feet tall and three feet wide. The triangle's name is Bill. Bill Cipher. 

“Do you really think you could defeat me?” Bill says to the young man in front of him. The young man in question is named Dipper. Dipper Pines. “I am charge of this world. This is the Mindscape. I can do whatever I want in this world. Not only is my wish my command but my thought is it's very shape. I can think of 1000 ways to kill you, and it would happen right this very second.”

"Then why aren't you killing me?" Dipper says to the floating triangle.

“Because,” Bill’s eyes sparkles in a twisted smile, though it is hard to tell without the whole mouth thing. “It’s more fun this way.”

The single eye then flashes red, and a thousand dark red arrows fly through the man’s body. He coughs, blood bubbling from his mouth and down his chin. Bill smiles (or at least it looks like it) and raises his hand, throwing the man’s body against a nearby tree. He floats closer, crossing across the river the two of them were fighting. Dipper raises his head weakly, his heart barely beating as the blood and gore drips down him. 

Bill watches as the young man struggles against his invisible bonds. Suddenly, something happens. A flash of lightning shoots towards them, hitting Bill right in his eye. He screams (more in surprise than pain) and drops Dipper. 

He falls to the ground, too weak to move. Bill floats threateningly above him. Then, another strike hits the triangle and he screams again. This time, however, he falls as well. He drops to the bank, but the river jumps up, and catches him in the air, before crashing both itself and the demon back into its main body. 

Dipper lays on the grass, lungs and stomach filling with blood. Barely conscious, he tries to call out, but fails. Slowly, the water from the river reaches up, and wraps him gently in its form. He sighs, and succumbs to the darkness. 

\---

Mabel runs through the forest, long brown hair whipping in the wind behind her. She heard Dipper’s screams, saw the lightning hit where they were coming from. Please, she thinks, let him be okay. 

She runs towards the clearing by the river where Dipper was headed earlier that day. She enters and gasps. Blood is everywhere, and Dipper is nowhere to be found. She looks around, and spots his hat lying on the shore of the creek. She runs to it and crouches by the bank. Searching desperately for her twin. 

She moves to get up and look around further, but she slips. Her foot lands on a slippery rock, and she falls into the stream with a splash. 

\---

Dipper is the first to awaken. His eyes prop open quickly, and he glances around in wonder. How the hell is he not dead? He checks everything just to make sure. Fingers, check. Arms, check. Torso, check. Legs, che- wait. Something feels wrong. He looks down and sees-

Mabel is lying on his lower body, and by the looks of it, she’s cutting off his circulation. He sits up, and she stirs in her sleep. He looks around, and sees that he is on the bank of the river, a little downstream from the fight he had with Bill. At the thought of the triangular demon he stiffens, but a glance around shows he is nowhere in sight. 

Dipper looks down at Mabel, and lightly shakes her awake. She groans and opens her eyes. They climb off the ground, and blink lazily at each other. They start to walk back to the Mystery Shack. “So,” Mabel says conversationally. “What the hell happened here?”

Dipper sighs, then replies, “ Bill happened.”

“Are you okay?” Mabel gasps. 

“I’m fine. The only problem is how.”

She frowns at him in confusion. “What do you mean how?” 

He thinks back to his fight with Bill. The anger, the pain, the paralyzing fear. “He dragged me into the Mindscape. I don’t know how he can do that, but apparently he can.”

“Then what? Are you injured?” Mabel asks him in slight terror. “Do you need help?”

Dipper’s frown deepens, and he says “He shot me with at least a couple hundred arrows.”

“What!” Mabel screams. “I'm gonna kill him!”

“Wait Mabel!” Dipper calls to her as she tries to stumble away from him back into the forest where Bill was last seen. “I'm fine now.” Maybe bringing up the arrows wasn't the greatest idea.

She glares at him. “Speaking of which, how are you fine?”

He furrows his brow in confusion and thinks back. How is he not dead, or at least dying, on the forest floor? He thinks of the battle, than the arrows, the lightning, the river dragging Bill away, the water reaching towards him- “that’s it!” He says, pointing up a finger like he had a breakthrough (which I guess he did have). “It was the river water. It does something.”

Mabel’s eyes widen. “Maybe it’s a magical healing river! Maybe there’s a powerful mermaid that uses her powers to heal injured travelers when they pass her way!” Mabel’s eyes are practically sparkling in joy as thinks about it. A mermaid! Maybe she knows Mermando!”

“Sorry to burst your bubble Mabel, but this stream is way to shallow for a mermaid to dwell in. The smallest need to have at least six feet depth to swim live comfortably, and four to swim properly.” He looks at the river. “It could be another being, like a nymph or a water fairy. Or maybe it's a curse or an object. Or maybe it's an…” He trails off, thinking about the many possibilities of how that could work. 

They brainstorm ideas on the way back, almost forgetting about the attack or healing itself, not noticing the way the water begins to sparkle and absorb into their skin. 

\---

When they return the the Mystery Shack a while later, they walk in to see Stand and Ford sitting in the living room. Their grunkles have always argued about who gets to sit in the special chair in front of the tv, and they have come to a shaky agreement. Stan gets Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays; while Ford gets the other weekdays and Saturday. The younger mystery twins switch who (Dipper or Mabel) gets to sit in it on Sundays. 

Today is one of those fateful Sundays. Stan is sitting in the chair. Mabel is undeniably angry. She leaps at Stan, and he falls with an oh! of surprise. In his collapse, he accidentally hits the side of the coffee table, causing the lamp to fall and land on the floor with an angry crash. Dipper jumps back, panic running through his veins. He immediately jumps and runs out the door. A couple steps past the porch he come to his senses. 

He turns back to see Mabel and his grunkles looking at him from the door. Ford raises an eyebrow. “Are you feelings alright Dipper?”

“You okay kid?” Stan says. 

“I’m- I’m fine.” He stutters back, voice shaking slightly in the remaining bolts of terror and adrenaline in his system. “Just a little on edge from Bill.”

Ford looks at him in surprise, mind think of the monster Dipper mentioned. “You saw Bill today?” He asks the younger man. “When? Where?”

“Just at a little clearing in the woods by a river. It was nothing. I’m fine.” Dipper says to his concerned looking caretakers. He starts to walk back into the Shack, but his way is blocked by Stan. The younger teen tries to push his way past the older man, but he doesn't budge. 

“How did you get away?” Ford asks him. 

Dipper clenches his jaw. “He caught me with my guard down. I got hurt, but I’m fine now.”

Stan narrows his eyes, noticing the way Dipper is looking away from him and his brother. “Answer the question.”

Dipper is angry, glaring a hole in the floor. Mabel decides it's probably time to step in. “There was a storm.” Her grunkles turn their attention to her. “He was thrown in a river. It healed him with magic!”

Ford’s eyes widen. “A river healed him?” He looks at Dipper for confirmation. 

Dipper nods an affirmative. 

“You know what that means!” He looks at his nephew. 

Dipper relaxes a bit, the irrational anger draining out of him. He smiles. “A mystery.”

\---

Ford pulls out the vial of water, and starts looking at it from all angles. “Nothing looks strange about it.” He says. “But if my experiences with the paranormal taught me anything it’s that not everything is as normal as it seems.”

Dipper looks at his own water vial in distrust. “Do you think there could be any long lasting effects?” He looks down the river to where it eventually turns a bends and disappears out of his view. 

Ford turns his gaze back to his brother, who is currently sitting on a rock aways upstream, debating with Wendy the pros and cons of selling the water to make a profit. Some pros are money for cheap. Cons are its magic and magic isn't sold to tourists. Ford looks back at the water in his hand, and considers its properties. “I'm going to test it.” He says suddenly. 

“What?” Dipper says, turning to his grunkle. He gasps in surprise as he sees Ford pull out a small hunting knife, and cut his leg open. The older man grunts in pain and pulls off his shoe and sock. Dipper watches in morbid fascination as the blood drips down into the water from his cut. He dips his leg in the shallow waters near the bank where they were collecting samples. He stays there for a moment, then pulls it out. The cut is completely gone. 

Ford looks accomplished at having done something, while Dipper instantly starts looking for some kind of remaining mark. Anything to show that the flesh was previously injured. There is nothing. 

Mabel skips into the clearing. “Hi guys! Found anything interesting?”

Dipper nods. “We can say it is definitely a healing river. Now the question is why.”

Stan looks over at the speaking nerds. “So can I sell it?”

Dipper frowns. “No you can’t sell-”

Mabel interrupts. “How about only to the towners? We can help people and not sell magic to tourists?”

Stan nods his appreciation at her. “That is a great idea, kid. I’ll start bottling.” He pulls out a giant row of vials and a starts dumping them in the river.

“Did you bring those from the Shack?” Wendy asks him in amusement. He nods. She just laughs. 

\---

It's been five days since Stan started selling the water to the locals, and Dipper is getting an overwhelming feeling that something is wrong. Nothing seems off, but he senses a sort of ‘calm before the storm‘ type of thing in the air. 

It’s only a couple of hours later when everything comes to a head. Dipper is sitting in front of the television with his family (plus the extended family of Soos, Wendy, and new addition Pacifica) and they are watching random shows and movies to waste away the day.

Suddenly, Dipper starts screaming. Everyone jumps to stare at him and he falls to his knees, resting his forehead on the ground. His lower body is burning, and his legs feel like they’re being ripped apart. He’s still screaming, and he falls on his side as his legs start to spasm. He throws his head back, and jerks his legs in random direction. It just hurts so badly. The others are in various stages of shock. Ford and Stand are over it, trying to calm Dipper and figure out what’s going on. Wendy and Pacifica are looking at Diper in surprise and slight terror (for him). Soos and Mabel are just looking at him worriedly. 

Suddenly, his lower body starts to pull apart, and his legs start growing, ripping off his pants. He screams louder, eyes rolling back into his skull with pain. His legs then start splitting, and the rest of the Pine and Co. have no idea what to do. The split grows larger and larger, pulling his torso and rear back until he has a second torso around four and a half feet long. Then he starts growing hair. Or fur, to be exact. It is a medium shade of brown, the same color as his hair. Than the tail comes, and then the hooves. The transformation finishes, leaving Dipper unconscious and sprawled across the floor. 

They all stare at him in shock. Stan is the first to speak. “What was that?” He asks the others. 

“I do not know, Stan.” Ford replies. “I do know, however, that we will need to find that out.”

\---

Dipper is out for an hour before someone else is affected. It’s Mabel. Stan and Ford try again to stop her from hurting herself, but there’s nothing they can do about her legs, which start fusing together. His neck gets ripped apart as she grows gills and her fingers start to webs. The brave Wendy has to hold her mouth open so she doesn’t chew off her lips or tongue as her teeth sharpen to deadly points and she grows in two more rows. Luckily, Soos sees what she is becoming and gets a bowl of water and a towel to wet her gills, and starts drawing the tub. 

\---

One hour later, Dipper is still asleep. Mabel is too. Now it’s their Grunkle Ford’s turn. Stan and Soos have to work together to hold him still as the joints in his elbows and knees change shape and angle, and his feet and hands turn into paws (his hand paws still have six pads, not five.). The most painful part is the huge multicolored wings, which rip out of his back and destroy his shirt. He grows a coat of fur, thick and gold like a lion.

\---

Dipper moans, lying on his side in his room. No, it’s not his room. This is the basement, the second layer, in one of the old rooms. He recognizes it from the exploring and cleaning he did when he first discovered it. He’s lying on a large wool mat, and he doesn't understand why his legs and back hurt so much. He tries to turn around and finds out why. He has the lower body of a deer. He screams, and Wendy runs into the room. She looks at him. Then she sighs and sits down at a chair across the room from him. 

He looks at her. “What-”

“I don't know.” She frowns. “Nobody does.”

“I’m part deer!” He screams at her. 

She looks down at him. “Look, Dipper, I understand that you’re in shock, and you're not okay, but I need you to wait for a little bit. It's been about an hour and someone is going to change soon. Please try and breath for ten minutes. I’ll be right back. I promise.”

“What do you mean someone is going to change?” He says. He is still freaking out, but he can see her desperation and exhaustion, and he tries to breathe and calm down. 

“People are transforming into monsters. One per hour. You were the first to change, and now the first to wake up. Mabel and Ford are already turned. I need to be there when the next person shifts. I’m sorry.”

And she leaves. Dipper stares at his hands. They are still the same. So is his chest, his arms, his neck, his face. He reaches up to feel his head, and touches a hard thing sticking out of his scalp, a little behind his forehead. They are small, only about four inches tall, but he feels a strong sense of pride because of them. He drops his hands instantly. What is happening to him?

\---

Wendy makes it upstairs to the living room, where they have gathered everyone they can. They don’t know what’s causing this, but they can feel that this is just the beginning. The Pines Family and Co. Are here, complete with Melody, who was in town for the month, Wendy’s friends, Mabel’s friends, Old Man McGucket, Lazy Eyed Susan, even Toby Determined is crammed in the Mystery Shack living room, dining room, and kitchen. Some are spilling into the gift shop, and there are a lot out on the yard. 

They don't know who’s next. Nobody wants it to be them. 

\---

It’s Stan, the last of the Pines to turn. It takes Soos and Wendy’s dad to keep him calm as he grows claws on his hands and feet, destroying his shoes and socks. The people around are told to clear the area, and everyone evacuates to the yard. Wings rip out of his back wrecking his suit and jacket. The most startling is when his skin turns to stone, but a warm soft stone. When he passes out it completely solidifies. They need to call in the strongest of the locals to help carry him down to the not-so-secret-anymore basement. Now they wait. 

\---

Mabel wakes up, and they drag the temporary giant fish tank they were keeping her in to Dippers room, where he’s been trying to walk, or a least stand up. He hasn't been succeeding much. She tries to swim, but the tank is too small. It hurts. 

\---

Wendy is the next unfortunate soul. She shakes and screams as she grows claws and her facial structure changes, pushing out to become a muzzle. She grows fiery red fur, and her teeth sharpen to deadly points. 

\---

Ford wakes up, and once again, he is brought to the room where Dipper and Mabel are. It takes him a minute, but his new body is not made for upright walking, and he starts walking alongside Soos on all four paws. It feels surprisingly natural. When he gets to the room where the people who are waking up are, he walks in to see Mabel resting on a large rock in the fish tank, and Dipper standing shakily on his new legs. “Whoa!” Mabel says when she sees her grunkle. “You’re a cat!” She smiles and reaches down to pet him. Then she notices the wings. “A flying cat?!” 

Ford rolls his eyes. “I’m a sphinx.”

“You are adorable!”

\---

After Wendy transforms into a werewolf, she is brought downstairs, and the wait begins again. Soos is the next to morph, as his body turns itself to clay right before their eyes. He doesn’t have any other kind of physical change, but he still collapses in pain. Wendy’s dad seems to have taken over the job of bringing the unconscious people down to the rooms. 

\---

Stan awakens, and is brought to the other room with his brother and their niece and nephew. He stretches his wings, and almost hits Dipper in the face. Dipper falls, and it takes him a solid fifteen minutes to get back up again. 

\---

After Soos the other members Gravity Falls start to change. Robbie is a zombie, Candy is a Kappa, Grenda is a Meroctopus, Tambry is an android, McGucket is an oracle of some kind, Sheriff Blubs and Deputy Durland become a two headed green dragon, and Pacifica become a gorgon with the lower body of a snake and hair made of snakes. Soon, almost everyone in Gravity Falls has changed, and mist are awake. People who are still humanoid (McGucket, Robbie, Tambry, Wendy) but people who have an entirely new skeletal structure stay to try and master their new ways of walking (Dipper, Pacifica, Candy, Grenda). 

Eventually, after a couple of days of transforming, and a little time to sleep it off and figure out how it works, everyone has left the Mystery Shack. Dipper is still struggling with his new limbs, and Stan works on getting Mabel a larger tank. 

It's another day before Bill arrives. It’s the morning, and everyone is inside eating breakfast. Mabel is the first to see him, and it takes her a minute to recognize him. He looks around eighteen or nineteen, a little bit older than her. He has spiky blonde hair that’s long for a guy, reaching a little under his ears. He only has one eye, the other covered by a black triangular eyepatch with a small yellow triangle outline on it. The eye that works is a light blue, and he is wearing nothing but a pair of sweatpants and a baggy gray shirt. He looks at her wildly, and stumbles forward, falling to his knees. 

Mabel stares at him. Is that the same person who tried to kill her and her family when they were younger, and tortured Dipper just a little more than two weeks ago? He looks so weak. She calls to her family “hey guys! Come here for a sec!” 

They walk over and glance out the window. Dipper gasps. “Bill!”

Stan walks out of the Shack at Dipper’s words. He opens his heavy wings and looks cautiously at the blonde man lying in the dirt. He steps closer. Bill is lying there, passed out. Ford comes out, once again walking on his paws. He looks down at the unconscious figure and squints. This is Bill, he thinks. He can't be trusted. But he looks so weak and pathetic. And human, which is definitely new. And Mabel is giving him her puppy eyes, which she knows he can never resist. “Fine.” He sighs. “But you’re in charge of making sure he doesn’t go on any murder sprees.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is a really old fic that I never finished, but when I found it I was actually kind of proud of it. I will never continue it, and it is as finished as I will make it. Feel free to continue it. 
> 
> Based of the original Monster Falls idea. I just made up details. Thanks for reading!


End file.
